Roxas in Wonderland
by The Illusion of Time
Summary: SUSPENDED.What happens when Roxas falls down the rabbit hole into a world of zany and wacky characters? A ton of random and hilarious junk!
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or Alice in Wonderland. Those ideas belong to Square Enix and Lewis Caroll. This plot also probably isn't the first time it's been used, but, hey, I have nothing else to do, and I'm bored.

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It had started as a normal day. Roxas had gotten up, gotten dressed, eaten breakfast, and sat down at his computer to chat with his friends, Hayner, Olette, and Pence. None of them were on their preferred chat site, so he turned the computer off again. He stood, grabbed a backpack, packed some snacks, and headed outside. He went to the fence around the edge of his backyard, pushed up a loose board, and slipped into the forest behind his house.

After hiking around the forest for a while, he sat down for a snack. It was at this moment a White Rabbit sprinted past Roxas. He did not find this particularly odd, nor did he find it odd when it exclaimed in a feminine voice "Oh! I shall be ever so late!" But when it produced a pocket watch from a waistcoat pocket, Roxas sprang to his feet, dropping his half-eaten apple, and leaving his backpack where it lay, he chased after the rabbit.

A few minutes into the chase, he lost sight of the rabbit. Looking around, he spotted a large rabbit warren, and without stopping to think about how he would get back out, he crawled into it.

The tunnel sloped steeply downwards, and soon, rather than crawling down a tunnel, Roxas was falling down one. He was falling slow enough that he could look around his surroundings, and he saw that the tunnel was lined with shelves and cupboards containing rather ordinary looking jars and containers. As he passed on of these, he grabbed a jar and blinked at the faded label. It read 'ORANGE MARMALADE'. He opened the jar, only to find it empty. Rather than dropping it and risking it falling on the head of anyone walking below, he placed it in an open cupboard as he past, quiet befuddled as to why anyone would keep an empty jar in a pantry, until he remembered where he was. Then he began wondering why the shelves and jars were there in the first place.

As the fall went on, Roxas began to wonder how long the tunnel was. "I have been falling for quite some time now," he said out loud, to no one in particular. "I wonder just how far I have fallen. Maybe I shall fall straight through the center of the earth! How queer it will be to find myself among those people on the other side of the world." He knew this was a rather silly idea, but so many strange things had happened that day that he believed it could possibly happen.

He was so occupied with these thoughts that he didn't notice the ground coming closer, so when he landed on the pile of soft autumn leaves, he was quite surprised. He stood and started to dust himself off, but then he stopped, gapping at his feet. They were now clad in a girl's black dress shoes instead of the sneakers he had put on this morning, and he was wearing stockings. What came as an even bigger surprise was when he saw that instead of the jeans and shirt he had put on this morning, he was now wearing a black dress. "What the hell is going on here?!?!?!" he exclaimed, staring at the lace-trimmed hem of the dress he had suddenly found himself in. Then he caught sight of something that distracted him momentarily from the fact he was now in a dress.

It was the White Rabbit. Or at least, he thought it was. It was a girl dressed in a white shirt and pants, with black shoes and a red vest with a black back and a golden heart design on the back. Her blonde hair was all swept to one side and went over her shoulder, and there were two white rabbit ears coming out of it. She was running along, biting her lip and staring at a golden pocket watch clutched in her hand. "Oh dear, oh dear, I shall be ever so late! The Queen shall have my head!" She was hurrying down a long hallway Roxas had not noticed before, and he hurried after her.

As it was with the first chase after the White Rabbit, he lost sight of her and found himself in an antechamber of some sort. There was no door out of the room other than the one he had just entered through, and all that was in the room was a glass table, about waist height, with a golden key resting on it. He walked over and picked up the key, and looked around the room for something it would open. It was then he noticed a small door, near the floor, about 6 inches high. He leaned down and unlocked the door, then opened it. By laying down on the floor and placing his face near the small door, he could glimpse a beautiful garden through it. But the door was barely large enough for him to fit his hand through, let alone walk through it into the garden. So he closed the door again and locked it, and stood up to return the key to the table. As he set the key on the table, he noticed a bottle that certainly hadn't been there when he had gotten the key. Around the neck of the bottle there was a label that read 'DRINK ME'.

He was a bit apprehensive, so he first opened the bottle and took a small sip. It tasted good, like a mix of vanilla ice cream and root beer and peppermint and several other flavors he couldn't identify. He continued to drink, and soon the bottle was empty. It was then that he noticed he was shrinking.

He dropped the bottle in surprise, blinking as the table top steadily rose above his head. Eventually he was just the right height to go through the small door, and this cheered him slightly. He walked towards the door and pulled on the knob, confused as to why it wouldn't open until he remembered he had re-locked it. Disappointed, he walked back over to the table and sat down on one of the glass feet, staring up at the see-through table top. He could clearly see the key, but he could see no way to get to it; the glass was much too slippery to climb, and he had never been a good climber in the first place.

He sat brooding on the table foot, wondering how he was ever going to return to his proper size and how he was going to get out of the room. He noticed a cake resting on the foot sitting next to him and picked it up. Written on it in icing was 'EAT ME'. Remembering what had happened with the bottle, he cautiously nibbled the edge, and was overjoyed when he felt himself grow. He ate the whole cake and waited for himself to return to his normal height, and was startled when his head hit the ceiling of the antechamber. He looked down and could no longer see his feet. He suddenly wished he hadn't drunk the entire bottle, or eaten the whole cake. He began to cry out of frustration, tears splashing onto the checkerboard tiled floor of the room. How was he ever going to get home?

While he was moping, the White Rabbit ran into the room again, carrying a pair of gloves and a fan. "Oh, oh dear, oh no, the Queen will have my head for this, I am so terribly late, late, oh so late!" She began to hurry down a hallway Roxas hadn't noticed earlier. Tentatively, he spoke. "Excuse, but can you-" The Rabbit jumped into the air and spun around, dropping the fan and gloves. Then she fled down the hallway, still chanting "Oh no, I'm late, oh so terribly late!!"

Roxas sighed, sitting down on the floor and picking up the fan and gloves. He began to fan himself. "I'm never going to return to my normal size and get home…." As he was brooding, he noticed he had slipped the glove onto his hand. He was shrinking again. He dropped the fan, for that was what had made him start to shrink, but he was already returned to his normal height when he did. He found himself in what seemed to be a lake of salt water, which he soon realized was the puddle formed from his tears of frustration when he was larger. He began swimming, trying to make it to shore and stay afloat at the same time, and saw he wasn't the only one who had fallen into the lake of tears. There were many birds and other creatures floundering in the pool of water. One such creature was a mouse, which was swimming towards him now. As it swam past him it said, quite clearly so he had no doubt it was talking to him, "Grab my tail." He did so and the mouse towed him to the shore as if he weighed nothing. Upon getting to the shore he stood and tried to dry his hair by shaking his head like a dog with water in its ears.

"Are you quite alright?"

He looked up and saw a rather damp-looking man in a black suit and top hat. Two mouse ears jutted from the rim of the hat and a mouse tail curled around his knee. Roxas could only assume this was the mouse that had pulled him out of the lake.

"I said, are you quite alright? And it's rude to stare." He sounded impatient, like he had better things to do than stay there with Roxas.

"I'm fine…."

"Good. Now follow me, unless you want to catch pneumonia." With that he turned and walked through a door that yet again, Roxas had failed to notice. Roxas hurried after him.

The mouse was talking as he walked. "One of my lectures should dry us off. I must tell you, though; there will be quiet a few others joining us." Roxas waited him to become silent before he spoke. "Excuse me, sir, but, who are you?"

"Ah. Yes. My name is Zexion Mouse. You may call me Mr. Mouse, or Zexion. Do not call me Zexi, Mr. M, Mouse Man, or whatever else you can think of."

"Ah. Thank you for saving me, Mr. Mouse."

"Quite welcome. Are you not going to introduce yourself?"

"Oh…ah…um…my name is Roxas…" Roxas wasn't really paying attention to the mouse now. He was looking around the area they were walking through. It was a library, and quite a large one at that. The number of books and volumes resting on the shelves he could see astounded him, and he could only guess how many more there were.

"Here we are." Mr. Mouse stopped and Roxas almost walking into him. They were still in the library, but they were in a part of the library that was a large area lined with benches. Sitting on the benches were many of the others that had fallen in; Roxas could see a dodo, a crab, a loon, and a creature he suspected to be a lobster. Mr. Mouse shooed Roxas towards the bench in the front, where he sat down next to a lory that appeared to be asleep.

Mr. Mouse was standing at the front of all the benches. "Alright, is that everyone? Is everyone seated? Okay, this is the driest thing I know: _William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria—_"

The lory shook itself. "Ugh!"

"I beg your pardon?" said Mr. Mouse, frowning, but very politely, "did you speak?"

The lory ducked its head and said hastily, "Oh, no, 'twas not I!"

Mr. Mouse shrugged. "Ah. I thought you did. Anyways, were was I? Ah, yes_: Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. William's conduct was at first moderate—_ How are you getting along now, Roxas, my good man?" He turned to Roxas as he spoke.

"As wet as ever." Roxas replied, fathoming as to why the creatures seemed to think that a lecture would dry them off. "I am as wet as ever."

"Well, then," said the dodo, standing up from where it had been seated. "I propose a different way to dry ourselves! Let us have a race!"

All the creatures began chattering happily, except for Mr. Mouse, who crossed his arms in an annoyed fashion and said in offended tones, "Well! How rude!"

Once the general hubbub had died down, the dodo began explaining the rules. "Quiet frankly, there are no rules. We shall simply race till we are dry, and whomever wins the race shall receive a prize. Now, I suggest we use that bookshelf there as a starting point-"

"Not in my library, you don't!" Mr. Mouse appeared outraged. "How dare you even think of holding a race in this institution of learning! Some of these books are older than your own grandmother! The very history of Wonderland is contained in these shelves! If you must have your race, have it far enough away from my collection!" With that he shooed all of the creatures towards the doors at the other end of the library, slamming the door behind them and locking it.

The dodo stared at the locked doors. "And he called me rude!" Then it turned to the other creatures. "Okay, so, I'll draw a starting line, and from there the finish line shall be…." The dodo scanned the horizon. "That poplar tree, way over there." It pointed with one wing and then drew a starting line. "Okay, everyone line up!"

There was much confusion as everyone tried to line up along the line; Roxas got shoved to the side by others more than once. But eventually everyone was settled and in place in line, and the dodo cleared its throat. "Okay, on the count of three….Three."

Everyone darted from the starting line. Roxas was near the front of the group, running as fast as he could. He soon began to notice that the runners beside him appeared to be fading, and soon he was running through the woods, quiet alone. He skidded to a halt. The library was far gone, and he could see nothing but forest. But then something caught his eye. It was neatly manicured path with a sign pointing down it that read in curly handwritten letters, "_Caterpillar's Garden_." Intrigued, he began to follow the path.

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Yayness, first chapter finished SUCCESSFULLY. It's better than I hoped. ^^ Please comment, but don't flame. You flame, I will take those flames and find your house, capish?


	2. In the Garden

This is probably shorter than the previous chapter...But there wasn't much to write for it.

Still waiting for the Cat to show- actually looking forward to that.

I own neither Kingdom Hearts nor Alice in Wonderland.

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As Roxas followed the path the trees began to thin, and he heard giggling and talking from up ahead. Then he saw flowers, nodding and bobbing cheerfully in the wind. It almost seemed to him that the laughter and chatter was coming from the flowers, but he knew that was absurd. Flowers didn't have larynxes.

As he approached, it fell silent. He walked through the flowers, shocked by the sudden silence, when suddenly, someone said-

"What is _that_? A crossdresser? Ew! How'd he get in here?"

Loud laughter suddenly erupted around him as he looked for the source of the outburst.

"Now, now, Larx, I'm sure he's just lost…But I must admit, trespassing into my garden isn't exactly something that I look kindly upon."

"Hmph! Well, if he's going to be wearing a dress, he should at least be wearing something cuter…I mean, solid black is soooo ugly."

"I know!"

Finally, he saw them. Two women- no, wait, the pink-haired one was a guy- in a small clearing in the garden. The man was lounging on a massive mushroom, smoking a hookah, while the woman was seated on the ground, her yellow dress spreading out around her like flower petals.

"Oh dear, it looks like he noticed us, Mar-Mar!"

"Hm. Well, we are being quite loud." Then he turned pointedly to the flowers and said, "Why are you guys so quiet? Why don't you sing for our…guest?"

At this, the flowers began to emit a humming sound, each at a different pitch determined by the kind of flower. It was a wordless song, but rather beautiful either way. But Roxas got the feeling he wasn't wanted there.

"So, boy…how did you stumble upon my garden? If that Cat sent you here, tell him he's not funny and I will send him some of those Tiger Lilies I recently planted!"

"Cat? I'm sorry, sir, I don't know who you're speaking of…I was following a White Rabbit."

"White Rabbit?" He puffed on his hookah.

"He probably means Namine, Mar." The woman had turned her face up to the sun, and was breathing in the air deeply.

"Oh! Why would you ever follow her? She works for the Queen, you know- a nasty piece of work, that one. She'd behead you as soon as look at you- that's the only reason she's queen. And nobody even NOTICES the King- I mean, he might have died 6 years ago and we wouldn't even have known."

"…Huh?" This guy was all over the place with his conversation…maybe it was because of whatever he was smoking?

"Basically, you don't want to follow Namine, because she'll probably lead you to the Queen, and the Queen will have you beheaded as soon as you set foot in HER garden. Of course, we aren't too happy about you being here in Mar-Mar's garden, but we won't do anything too severe to you…that is, if you stay on our good side." Now she was laying down, kicking her green-stocking feet in the air. "But we'd rather if you didn't stay long."

"But I don't know how to get out of here…."

"Simple. Follow the path; reach the fork, and go down either way, since both ways lead to somewhere else." He took a deep drag from his hookah.

"Does either way lead home?"

"Depends where you call home, boy. Now get." Here he puffed smoke into Roxas's face, making the boy cough and temporarily blinding him. When the smoke cleared, he was once again alone on the forest path, with no sight of the garden or the two beings in it.

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How did you like that? Mar-Mar is obviously the Caterpillar, and Larx is just a flower.

Leave a comment, please!


	3. On the Path

NEW CHAPTER~ YAY.

I don't own KH or Alice in Wonderland

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Following the Caterpillar's-for, obviously, that is what the pink-haired man had been- directions, Roxas soon came to the fork in the path. He then figured someone must've had a bad sense of humor, for it was actually a fork, jammed into the trunk of a large oak tree growing in the middle of the path.

"…Now what do I do?"

"Well, obviously, little girl, you do whatever you want to do. Oh, wait. You're not a girl."

The voice came from over his head, in the tree. Starting, he looked up, to see a red-haired man peering down at him. But it wasn't this that startled him; it was the man's pink-and-purple garb combined with similar colored ears and tail that made him step back.

The man continued speaking, lounging on his branch. "Or, if you don't what you want to do, or where you want to go, you could go to the left"-he pointed in this direction, and a red path suddenly appeared-"To the gardens of the Queen, or you could go to the right"-once again he pointed, and this time, a blue path appeared-"To the house of the Hare, OR"- here he leapt off the tree, which had become a wrought iron gate that he opened, bowing as if he were some sort of doorman-"You can proceed down this path to the tea party, and the residence of the Hatter." He indicated the green path, just behind the gate. "All of the residents at the end of the paths are equally mad, so it doesn't much matter which way you go."

"If they're mad, then what about you?" Roxas wasn't quite ready to trust this strange man yet.

"I? I am mad as well, of course. But then again, we're all mad here. Memorize that for later, when you meet the Queen. She's the worst of us."

"But I am here, and I'm obviously not mad."

"Nonsense. If you're here, you're mad. That's the only way to get here." The red-head yawned. "And most of the time, you can't leave. So we may be seeing a lot of each other. My name's Axel, how 'bout you?"

"….Roxas."

"Well, Roxas, I bid you good day and good morning and happy Hanukah. Have fun with the crazies at the end of the paths." With that, he vanished, ears and tail first, leaving a wide grin that floated there for a while before vanishing.

"….Maybe I am crazy." Roxas sighed, shaking his head, and went through the gates ahead of him.

Of course, halfway down the path he decided he wanted to go back, but the path had vanished, and forest had grown in. He groaned, and then continued to follow the green path, muttering under his breath.

"…The third Alice was a young girl, a beautiful figure in Wonderland.  
Deceiving countless people, she created a strange country.  
That Alice was the country's queen,  
Possessed by a warped dream.  
Fearing her decaying body, she ruled from the summit of the country…"

Roxas, stopped, listening to the disembodied singing. Or, at least, it was disembodied until he spotted the source. A girl, only a year older than himself, was sitting at the base of a tree, absently pulling apart a brilliant blue rose. She looked up as he approached. "Oh, hello, there. You must be heading to the tea party."

"Um…yes."

"Well, the Queen sent me. Her Royal Highness would like to extend to you an invitation to attend her croquet game this afternoon." She stood, extending the blue rose out to him, but it had become a brilliant red rose, with all its petals still intact. He took it warily and noticed the girl was dressed in an outfit with similar colors and designs to the rabbit girl's vest.

"So…you work for the Queen?"

"Yes, and she'll have my head if I dally any longer. So, my poor confused cross-dressing friend, I must bid you adieu." She gave a low bow before placing a peaked witch's cap on her head and walking down the path in the direction Roxas had just come from.

"Wait, the path stops…" Roxas turned to tell her that there was no path back there anymore, but she had vanished, and there was only a red and black cat weaving through the thick trees. Roxas shook his head. "This place is madness."

With that, he continued on his way, towards the tea party.

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Alrighty, I have a Christmas story to be working on~-wanders off-

Comment if you wish.


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